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Life

I Don’t Actually WANT To DO Anything

Two things you need to know about our family: First, my wife and I run a blog as our family business, so we work from home. Second, I suffer from a a laundry list of maladies including, but not limited to: Lyme Disease, MTHFR genetic mutation, insufficient testosterone production, and rock bottom neurotransmitter production.

Through cutting edge research, we’ve pinpointed nutritional opportunities to reverse and restore my health. We’re at the beginning of that process.

But the real world looks very different to me than to some. When I wake up, there are no burning desires. I don’t long to build a business, or to spend time on my favorite hobby. Nothing really motivates me other than fear and a sense of duty.

I was diagnosed ADD and bipolar in my mid 20s. But the medication caused more problems than it solved.

If you’re reading this, I hope it’s because we have something in common. Or you know someone who does. Because I want this journey I’m on to count for something. And to be worth all the hardship.

One a good day, I know I can hold on and see how this turns out. On a bad day, I wish that it would end. Just end. And be done with.

I love readingĀ blogsĀ like The Bloggess where people share their stories with honesty and humor. So maybe there’s hope for me yet. Except, humor is not my super power.

Okay, technically I make people laugh all the time. But I’m more of a commentator or editor than a novelist. Not much funny comes out unless I’m reacting to something someone else says or does.

Do other people out there really see the world the way I do? While I cherish Jenny Lawson’s writing style, my approach to life is my own.

There are three types of people out there:

  • Relatively functional and healthy people who go after what they want
  • Dysfunctional people who accept their lot in life
  • Dysfunctional people who refuse to give up the pursuit of a better existence

I belong in that third category. We could be the most foolish group, in that we may never attain our dreams and we may waste our entire lives straining instead of accepting and savoring what little joys are available.

On the other hand, I won’t look back on my life and dejectedly admit that I never really tried. As long as I push, I won’t look back with regret. I think.

Maybe I’m just hungry. There’s a whole chicken sitting on the stove calling my name. Well, not ACTUALLY calling my name. Because that would. Be. Slightly. Dysfunctional.

 

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