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Life

Retesting Dry Wells

The last time I wrote an article for OneRealMan.com, it was four years ago. I told you that artists can only dig so deep until their wells run dry. We are finite beings, after all.

Since that time, I’ve tried to regroup and relaunch a dozen different blogs. They’re out there right now, gathering dust.

Why are they lying dormant? Because I refused to commit to any particular one of them.

Why no commitment? Because I have never felt I had permission to devote my life and energy to any one of them.

What does it mean to need permission? I know God spoke a calling over me through other people, but I didn’t come to the table with a life purpose in mind.

After I had a radical experience that led me to Jesus, I began to read the book of John. And then Acts. And it was in Acts that I naturally walked away with the understanding that God intends us to heal the sick and perform miracles.

But that’s where the story gets murky. You see, I wasn’t seeing many miracles around me – though I did actually pray for one older man who had a constant ringing in his ear disappear while I was praying.

For the most part, God wasn’t living up to his Word. My disappointment soured into resentment, and I stopped looking for God to perform what He’d promised.

I moved on.

But I don’t think He moved on from me.

And every time I try to do something that builds a public name for myself, the walls cave in.

So there you have it. A dozen not-really-blogs abandoned when I realized I didn’t have the passion or interest or drive to see them through the building phase.

What makes me think this time will be any different? Well, I don’t know, honestly. I guess I’m just checking to see if a blog that doesn’t promote my name might be permissible.

I guess we’ll see, won’t we?

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